This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
