I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
two words: eviction party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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