I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
