We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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