Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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