He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize