got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
