So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
