the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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