dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
