either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can Purell be used as lube?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
