you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
