Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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