I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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