Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
