i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
