I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
