The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
