Buhtt sex?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
