Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So squirting runs in the family.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
