I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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