I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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