Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
