I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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