I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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