my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
