every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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