You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
