Just fell off a train. Bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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