Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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