absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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