She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize