your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
