RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
