1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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