I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
