I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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