we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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