White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
