how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This baby is an asshole
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize