Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
