He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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