i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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