I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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