dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
