after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
