we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
