she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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