The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
