bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
