What did we do last night that was yellow?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
