There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
