THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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