if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
