we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize