when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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