Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
