She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
