Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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