I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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