Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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