gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
