How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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