Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Never joke about your clitoris.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
