Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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