i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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