I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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