I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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