i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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