i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
