You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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