I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
