I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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