And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
