If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
