My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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