She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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