yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
