fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I skipped work to stalk him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
