So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
