Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
