ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
