How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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