At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
we should paint friendship bongs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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